


Oh What a Circus

by merkintosh



Category: Glee
Genre: Gen, Menacing Behavior, drunken singalongs, poor decision-making
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-16
Updated: 2013-04-16
Packaged: 2017-12-08 10:30:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,066
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/760348
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/merkintosh/pseuds/merkintosh
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kurt decides to go to a gay bar. Things happen.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Oh What a Circus

**Author's Note:**

> Based on [this](http://yfrog.com/nc004chriscolferj) image.

"You can't stop me, Mercedes. I'm going." Kurt said with one last look in the rearview mirror to adjust his hair.

"It's a bad idea, Kurt. Any gay bar with _Manhole_ in the name is a bad. idea." Mercedes said. Kurt pulled his cellphone away from his ear and stared at it.

Kurt took a deep breath and put the phone back to his ear. "I really don't care right now, Mercedes. It probably is a bad idea but dammit... I'd rather die in a gay bar than stay a virgin in Lima! Goodbye." He hit end before she could respond and then turned off the ringer on his phone. He was going to do this.

~

The bar was pretty empty and Kurt had to admit: he was a little disappointed. He had gotten in easy enough, the bouncer had taken one look at him and let him pass with a smirk, but the inside was nothing like he'd expected. With a name like Manhole, he'd figured there would be more...men in it. A lot more men having sex in public in it. Instead, the bar had a little bit of a classy vibe, with subtle nudes on the walls and a well-taken care of classic wooden bar.

There were a lot of butch lesbians in the booth seats so Kurt moved towards the stools along the bar. He ran a hand across the worn leather padding before sitting down. He kind of liked this place. He felt like it suited his inner-Joan Crawford. Joan would drink martinis here.

He hadn't expected the decidedly butch bartender to know how to make an appletini, but dammit he was going to ask anyway because Kurt had decided to make it his signature drink. When the bartender actually did give him the green drink he couldn't help his gasp of surprise. Luckily, Steve (the bartender, he asked because it seemed polite) just put it down in front of him and tapped him on the cheek with a grin before walking off. Kurt tried to not look too out of place, but he was pretty sure he didn't fit in with leather-wearing lesbians.

When the crowd of leather-clad, incredibly muscled and well-oiled, hairy men all walked in at once, laughing and slapping each other on the back, Kurt realized just how fucked he really was. Clutching the stem of his martini glass, he turned to face the bar and hunched down in his stool.

He was going to die in a gay bar. But Kurt had a feeling he wouldn't be a virgin at least.

~

"Hey sweet thing." Kurt heard a cigarette-rough voice say behind him. Peering up over his drink, he looked in the bar mirror and saw it was the tan man in the leather vest talking. "Aren't you just precious. Looking for a daddy to take care of you, little boy?"

Another man's voice piped up from his left, "Somebody needs a papa bear." There was a rumble of laughter from the group. They were all crowded around him, full of bravado and confidence. Why wouldn't they be confident? They could take him. He was going to be raped against a pinball machine just like Jodie Foster in The Accused.

Well, Kurt Hummel wasn't going out without a fight. Taking a sip from his drink (any more than that at once and he'd choke), he took a deep breath and got to work on channeling Ms. Crawford. Turning around in the stool, he tried to gather his thoughts as the crowd of men leaned in. Some were even openly palming their crotches. He tried to not look frightened.

It was time to get his bitch on.

~

Who knew that Timmy was such a nice guy underneath all the leather and baby oil? And so were Chad and Vic and Cherry Buster and Grip. They were all so sweet, buying him drinks and giving him quarters to feed into the jukebox. There was some great music on that machine and when Ken lit up after he selected four Judy Garland songs in a row and danced with him to "Smoke Gets in Your Eyes" he knew this was his kind of place.

Steve the bartender was just a darling. He had admired Kurt's pictures of his dad on his cellphone (said that Burt looked like he knew how to take care of a boy and Kurt had to agree) and never let any of the more frisky guys do more than put their hands on his inner-thighs. Even the lesbians were so lovely. Stacy and Connie talked with him for half an hour about Lady Gaga and Grace Jones.

By the time last call came around, he was sitting on the bartop singing "Don't Cry for Me Argentina" for the boys who all clapped when he finished and grumbled at having to go. At some point, he must have given his keys to Steve (or maybe that's why Timmy put his hands in Kurt's back pockets, the naughty man) because he found himself being gently escorted to his Navigator and driven home by Zippo who let him wear his leather cap (he let him keep it, too). Zip was dating Buster, who was driving behind them in his car.

They got to his driveway soon enough and Kurt squinted blearily when he saw Mercedes and a confused-looking Puck standing next to a shitty car parked in his spot. "Those your friends?" Zippo asked as he parked on the street by his mailbox. Kurt nodded.

Mercedes was slapping Puck's arm as he waited for Zippo and Buster to help him out of his seat. Hugging their arms, he walked as gracefully as he could up the driveway. Open-mouthed, Puck and Mercedes silently took his elbows when the two boys passed him along.

Zippo stopped for a second and stared at Puck. "Are you in my fight club?" he asked before Buster poked him in the side and gave him a stern look. "Oh, that's right. Rule one. Nevermind." They turned around and went back to their car, hands in each others pockets.

Kurt tried to wave as they drove off, "Bye guys! Text me!" he said as loud as he could.

Turning to look at his friends, Kurt grinned. "I just had the best night ever."

Mercedes and Puck just kept staring into the distance, their mouths agape.


End file.
